It’s this weird clunk, I wrote about it a few years ago. Often it sounded like a click, particularly when working on stranded wires, but the worst were the silent killers: the multitudinous Fitbits (thanks Mom & Dad), and pseudo luxurious Citizen Ecodrive Proximity (thanks Airmiles) – for they led inexorably to collapse.

Of course, mammals are mostly hatched with a semi-redundant pair, however the nearly universal lateral bias leaves one at a considerable disadvantage when relying solely on the (typically) gauche unit.

Initially the experts scoffed at the failing megaliths, skeptical the ossein configuration was mutable. Quickly, but Forsooth! they cried – There is truth to the inexpert diagnosis; we must rebuild; we will conquer! The sinews of the past, tired and lame will be twisted upon great tension! Thy twine will be skewered and bolted wherewithin thine gauntlets. And upon the struggle of many fortnights, the chiliastic hours nought of birdlime but the most crystalline concrete imprisonment, beyond the narcotic of the clock unspun, ascend they will again!
Your only choice is to fell first the extremity of the dominant, or grip of the modest. All Saints’ Eve Awaits.

What sayeth you?

HEAVE THY VERDICT INTO THE COMMENTS BELOW FORTHWITH!

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Ahem.

In a more modern parlance/TLDR: Hypermobility sucks, and I’m having more wrist surgery. This time on Halloween morning, in Toronto.
No, it’s not related to my previous injury of the old #BustedWrist saga, however it is the same surgeon at the TWH | Hand Program performing the procedure…s.

Simply put, my arm bones, the ulna and radius, aren’t adequately attached to the wrist process (bones), so twisting actions or sudden movement of my hands causes them to come out of the sockets. A partial dislocation, and usually transient.

It’s as if my hands are held on by skin.

Okay, maybe that’s not quite accurate, but either way it’s definitely Not Pleasant.

Visiting the hand clinic in December 2016, “Doctor Doctor! It feels like my arm bones are subluxing from the wrist joint, or when I wear a Fitbit, they’re collapsing together.”
Listening while positioning my arm on the table, he scoffed as he began to manipulate the bones, “No, it that wouldn’t be, if that was the cas- WOW!” (Out slips the ulna…)

Him: “Well, we’ll have to operate.”
Me: “Oh really? … wait, that was a quick decision… like not even PT can help this?”

There are four options, and two disqualified immediately:

1. Do Nothing – You are here / Vous Etes Ici
2. Taping/reduce usage – Not very effective, but it helps a little bit
3. Splinting/immobilization – This is not a solution, just a permanent proposition of symptoms management
4. Surgery – X marks the spot

Skip ahead to March 2017, for a full, proper consult. The resident had the same “wow” reaction as she performed the same DRUJ Ballotment test as the surgeon did. And bilaterally no less, both wrists are affected.

Surprising no one, the looseness of my joints is the underlying cause. Physiotherapy is not indicated, and would be ineffective for anything except pain management. Since I can sublux my wrists doing very pedestrian tasks (cooking, opening doors, waving hello to someone), “work modification” isn’t particularly viable either.

Making the big decisions of when to have the surgeries, and which hand to do first.

Similar to when I had the scapho-lunate plication in January 2012, this will be similar: nerve-block up near the neck/shoulder, 90 minutes in the OR, 6 weeks in a cast (possibly Full-arm, from fingers to armpit!), 6 weeks in a splint, about 6 months recovery.

Scar will be bigger, “like the Mark of Zorro” he says…

But which hand do you do first?

Initially, I figured I’d ski out most the 2016-2017 season, and have the operation in early April. Skip spring skiing, but be ready for the fall. Later, I realized the spring and summer are when I earn most of my income doing festival networks and install fibre optic cables – rather physical work.

Okay, okay. I’ll give up my ski season. It’s the responsible thing to d- HEY WAIT A SEC. THAT MEANS I HAVE TO GIVE UP SKIING FOR TWO SEASONS!

Yup. 6mo recovery per wrist. I’ve got two. Left is worse than the Right. What order do I get them done in?

And another thought: life during recovery might not be quite as easy as last time; the doc said a full-arm cast (fingertips to shoulder!) is definitely better, but man, that’s going to be tough to cope with! Conversely/Previously – A short/fore-arm (FAT-free) cast only ties up the wrist and arm… it’s like wearing a heavy-duty splint. I’ve done that. I’m used to it. It’s no picnic, but it’s not the most difficult thing in the world. A big sweatshirt will fit over that… But a full arm cast? That’s going to be HEAVY… it’s going to be warm, it’s going to be itchy, and, I dunno if you’ve noticed, but I’m a large & tall guy – that’s a 80cm long L-shaped rock hanging off of my shoulder! (Which, by the way, dislocates easily enough on it’s own too.) That could be considered a weapon in certain centuries! Or a base for Megaman/Borg-like accoutrements…
(And yes, I just measured my arm for that number. I know I’m a nerd.)

Okay. Okay. Breathe. You can do this. It’s only for 6 weeks. Maybe less… you went through four effin’ years with #BustedWrist… this will be better.

Yes. It will be better.

Wait – No!
It’s not 6 weeks.

It’s twelve.

You have two afflicted wrists. You’re doing this twice.

…

Damnit. FFS.

‘k, enough with the fretting. Pick a hand, any hand, which are we doing first?

…

hm, What about doing both wrists at once?

No, that’s a stupid idea. Plus I don’t think anyone loves me that much, nor do I know if I love anyone else enough to need them to wipe for me. And feed, and dress, and bathe, and… Plus, as above, these would be TWO 80cm rock-tubes, I can’t even imagine how difficult life would be.

I mean, it’s an option, but very strongly discouraged. (Probably only want to end up in that situation in an emergency.)

Would be nice to get it all done at once tho.

…

‘k, but you’ve got to pick.

You’re going to lose use of each hand for 6 months. Do you do your dominant hand first, or the non-dominant? Just how ambidextrous are you?

Some people have posited I do the my non-dominant left hand first, to “see how it goes”; to be frank I don’t really understand this logic. I need to get both sides fixed, and it’s not a particularly experimental procedure, so it’s less of a try-and-see approach, but moreso a question of what’s going to be harder?

Let me know in the comment section, Twitter, Facebook, etc – Which hand would you do first, if you had to do both? And how you came to that decision.

I have made my decision, and I have my reasons, but I’m curious to hear others’ rationale.

… More to come.

Like should I get an Apple Watch? Might it help? Share your thoughts in the doobilydoo.